


Colors

by inhvlethewords



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-27
Updated: 2014-07-05
Packaged: 2018-01-26 09:39:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1683701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inhvlethewords/pseuds/inhvlethewords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>`In an alternate universe where drugs and alcohol and sex can’t make these boys immune to everything and fate finds a way to weave itself into their worthless lives.</p><p>Where <i>Liam</i> can treat life as a waste and be who ever he wants to be.</p><p>Where <i>Zayn</i> can get strung up in the middle of playing make believe.</p><p>Where <i>Louis</i> can act as if he’s falling with no end.</p><p>Where <i>Harry</i> can pretend he has everything.</p><p>Where <i>Niall</i> can try his best to forget it all.</p><p>Where <i>Josh</i> can do it all and be it all.</p><p>Where they all learn that everyone sees the world in black and white, until you meet some one who can show it to you in its beautiful <b>Colors</b>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Liam

**Author's Note:**

> so this is just something I've been working on for a while .
> 
> felt right for this to be my first post .
> 
> and I'm sorry for this , really i am . 
> 
> but I'm really not .

The music was thumping through Liam's ears and the ground shook below him. Different bodies were grinding on him from too many different directions to name. He lifted a red plastic cup to his lips drinking a substance he couldn't recall. The familiar burn of what he realized was a strong, soothing alcohol ran smoothly down his throat. 

The beat ran through his veins as instinct took over and his hips took control. Every inch of his body brushed against everyone around him. Next thing he knew, someone's hand was wrapping around his wrist and pulling him out of the huge crowd that he would've liked to have swallowed him up.

  "Yo Liam! There's this chick that said she'd let us bang her as long as we give her a line of coke! You in?!" Liam hadn't even realized it was Niall until his blurred eyes refocused to look at the body hovering near him. His mind was still trying to process the words that had just slipped into the air and were miraculously beaten by the thumping bass of the music. 

Not remembering what it was that Niall had specifically asked just seconds ago, Liam just shook his head and snatched his arm out of Niall's grip. He started to make his way back into the crowd, praying—not that there was a God listening, to _him_ especially—that he would be left alone for the mass of people to just swallow him whole.

He was lifting the cup to his lips again; hoping whatever was in it could make him forget everything, make him forget absolutely everything from his childhood memories to how to walk correctly. That was when he realized the cup that contained his hopes and dreams was now empty.  

He let out a frustrated grunt at this, knowing that he didn't even remember how the fuck the cup got into his hands in the first place. So, how the hell was he supposed to know where to get a god damned refill of some sort? His blurry eyes and incoherent mind started swirling around as he looked for something—or someone—that would give him any type of alcohol, but that was highly unlikely. He didn't remember where he and Niall decided to crash this time. Someone's house? A lounge? A very homey bar?  

The car ride over here was just filled with the memories of pot and his morning haze. He didn't even fucking know what day it was or the date or honestly what fucking month they were in. All he did know was that everything was starting to make him dizzy, all this thinking and frustration that was starting to run through his body with such a strong force. 

“Stop thinking.” He said to himself—more like slurred to himself—while he stopped in the middle of the mass of crazed people, hoping to catch a breath or something. 

Next thing he knew, he saw a flash of red passing by his eyes and he was reaching for another cup, but this time it wasn't from his hand. He heard a couple of swear words coming from the owner's mouth as he took the cup, but he honestly couldn't care less. He was just too fucked up to care about anything right now—not that he cared in the first place—and he really didn't wanna hear bullshit being spat at him.   

"Fuck off." He grumbled as he started to stumble away, deeper and deeper into the crowd. Next thing he knew his arm was being grabbed by someone and he was being pulled out of the mass again—or deeper in, he couldn't really tell—to walk up a flight of stairs. His mind then figured out that he was most certainly in a house and someone was dragging him into a room.

  Now I know what you're thinking: he's drunk, incoherent and who ever the fuck is dragging him with them is obviously taking advantage. This could be considered rape, sexual harassment, abuse or something along those lines, right? 

Wrong. 

Liam never said no to anybody and evidently, everyone knew that. Whoever was grabbing him wanted it just as bad as he did and he wasn't knocking them for making the first move. Soon he was engulfed by the warm air of a bedroom and his body was being thrown onto the bed.

He didn't know whether the person was a guy or a girl even after the push (since he had been so bloody drunk anyone could have pushed him over with a soft blow). He didn't know until he felt a small, fragile body straddle his hips, curly hair fall onto his face and soft lips press onto his. The feeling of her small hands traveling his body confirmed it while his bigger hands immediately found her waist, grinding her against him. Adrenaline was filling his body now, taking over the alcohol stream for a few moments and kicking in his all too familiar known dominance.

  He roughly turned the girl over so he was on top of her now. He leaned down to her ear, making sure to breathe hot, heavy breaths down her neck, and said in the most low and gravely voice, "You don't fuck me, love...I fuck you." 

After that, his instincts just took over and everything was mostly just a blur. Through his haze he could hear the bang of the headboard loudly against the wall, the long brought out moans/cries the girl bellow him was delivering and soon felt her walls clench around him. A couple minutes later found his release as well and his tired, dizzy body slumped forward as the night covered him in a sleepy, sweaty sheet. 

Next thing he knew, he was waking up with a pounding headache and the sun feverishly burning his eyes.

  "Fuck." He grumbled to himself as he shifted in the bed. Once his eyes were once again fully awake and he was some what aware of his surroundings, a smirk engulfed his whole face. 

When he wakes up in a room he isn’t familiar with and in a house where he doesn’t know know where-abouts to nor who owns it while snippets of last night only begin to flash through his mind as he tries to remember…he is proud to classify it in the ‘very successful night’ file of his mind—hence the huge smirk. The thing that was quite new to him though was the fact that he was actually lying in a bed with the girl wrapped around him under the silky, red duvet that belonged to the owner of the room.  

I mean sure he smashed girls before and ended up in their room, but that was back when he was still in Wolverhampton. When he was a little less reckless and actually hooked up with girls he knew. When he actually had some sort of relationship—that is if you call 'being with a girl just for the sex then leaving her once you got bored' a relationship—and the first place these girls would take him was to their room when their parents weren't home. 

But everything had changed since his fifteenth birthday. Since him and Niall decided to leave Wolverhampton (a unanimous decision depending upon the reasons of 'the pussy over here is just so fucking boring bro' from Liam and ‘my bro Jay knows where to find some sick drugs that’ll fuck you up so good’ from Niall), their lives now revolved around jumping from city to city looking for parties, drugs, alcohol, raves and sex.

Sex.

  The art of bringing two bodies together in an animalistic way that just seemed better than anything. Liam would admit that maybe he was an addict. Maybe he got a rush out of leading a girl on, having her eat out of the palm of his hand and then just banging her with no real effort. Because he knew that in a few minutes or so he would never encounter the look, sight, sound, touch or taste of her again, and that filled him with an adrenaline beyond compare. A sort of rush that drugs couldn't match, alcohol couldn't give, thumping of a bass didn't fill him with and the feeling of a blade dragging across his skin didn't satisfy. A rush that he just wasn't going to give up because, well frankly, no one was there to make him.  

If anything, the only person he did have was Niall and he was just as addicted as the brown-eyed, Wolverhampton boy was. Anyways, going back to the whole 'waking up in a bedroom' thing, it just wasn't a usual place for a sex-addicted junkie to find himself after he came to. It was a usual place for normal people, but when you are so drunk off of something you don't remember drinking or so high off of too many things to name, the bed wasn't a place you found yourself in. In a junkie's head, there was never anything wrong with a perfectly good bathtub or a perfectly good couch for the rest of the party to see your naked ass. I mean why waste your time going to a bedroom when you had a perfectly good floor underneath you, right? Well at least that was Liam's thinking anyways. 

 But as he looked around the room, he realized his mind was just naturally thinking of his childhood bedroom. The bedroom he dreaded and would always whole-souly hate. The bedroom that shredded every thread of hope he ever had on getting out of a life everyone else around him set. The memories he wish he could clean out of his head—the drugs only able to wipe his mind clean temporarily—came back in a flash.  

-

   _The door slowly creaked open as eight year-old little Liam quickly shut his eyes to make believe he was sleeping. 'Maybe if I pray hard enough, he'll go away,' he silently hoped to himself. But of course, that didn't help at all. He soon felt the soft mattress of his bed shift under him as a body joined his company._   

_"Liam, baby, are you up?” The shrill voice asked, cutting the cold air he set around them. Liam didn't answer. He slowed his shaky breath, hoping his step-father would believe that he was fast asleep. A couple minutes passed before he heard the voice slice through his frightened air once again. "Liam," he growled out this time. "I won't ask again.” His eyes slowly opened before he turned and faced the figure on the opposite side of the bed._

_"Yes daddy.” He whispered so low, hoping God hadn't heard the devil name that had just rolled off his lips. A low growl escaped from the back of his step-father’s throat as the subtle name filled the air._

_"That's my boy.” He whispered out as he climbed over Liam's small body, straddling his hips and letting his hot, venomous breath travel down the frightened boy’s neck. Liam's body instinctively shivered, but not from pleasure. His body shivered from pure fright. He knew what would happen next, it happened too often for him not to know. But that didn't mean he wasn't scared out of his mind or wishing he could be anywhere else but here and anyone else but himself._

_"Please.” He whimpered out begging, hoping that this time that would be enough for the dreaded man to stop instead of the long brought out cries that would usually signal an end to another nightmare. But of course, that didn't stop him at all. It actually riled him up, to see the boy he wanted to touch so much beg for it. Well at least that's what he forced himself to believe, that Liam wanted it; it helped him fall asleep at night._

   _"Don't worry baby boy, I'll be touching you soon.” And with that, the icy-cold hands Liam wished he never knew were traveling up his shirt and all throughout the insides of his trousers. The small whimpers—he wished were loud enough for someone to hear—continued to escape his mouth and the image of the small virgin he wished to be was once again soiled._

_Once his step-father had left the withering boy to himself, the tears began to flow out of his eyes as he rocked himself back and forth. His knees were tucked securely to his chest and apologies to God about how he was very dearly sorry for being such a dirty boy left his mouth. The dark night swallowed him up as much as it could, hiding him away from everything he wished wasn't there and preparing him for another day he'd have to face._

  - 

 His mind began to sway back and forth. He knew he had to get out of this mental hell he was putting himself in before his fucked-up childhood would be the only thing he would be thinking about for a while. Once he felt a body shift next to him, reminding the poor lost boy that he was still in bed with the unknown girl, a plan came clear into his mind. 

“Hey.” He mumbled out as he shook her awake.

  "Hi." She spoke back, her voice deep with sleep and a sluggish smile appearing on her face.

  "Sleep well?" Liam asked casually, hoping that was something people said after a hook-up. I mean when he usually woke up he either had a hangover as strong as the amount of drugs and booze he inhaled that night or made his way so fast out of the room he wouldn't have to talk to the person.

  "Mhmm, you?" Liam was too lost in thought at the moment to recognize the fact that the girl had asked a question and didn't realize until she looked up at him with an expectant gaze.

  "Oh...um...yeah." Another sluggish smile appeared on her face as Liam tried to speak again, but she cut him off with a finger to his lips.

  "Listen, you don't have to act like you give a shit about me, and honestly, that's fine. My friends told me how you are with your hook-ups and that’s exactly why I chose you to fuck. So now I'm tired and just want to sleep, so can you do me the favor of shutting the fuck up and just let me cuddle with you until you up and leave to your next adventure. Thanks." She laid her head back on his chest with such ease, lifting a weight off of Liam's shoulders immediately. 

He liked this girl's fierceness and he was just hoping to get another round with her before he went, hoping he had more drugs to intensify the experience. Before he stumbled back into sleep mode, he remembers to ask one more thing.

  "Wait, what's your name love?" He waited a few seconds for her answer.

  "Danielle." She mumbled into his chest before she looked back up to meet his eyes. "My name's Danielle."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posting every saturday , hope you enjoyed .


	2. Liam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Niall thinks Liam should thank Louis really .

"You actually got her name?" Niall asked, shock the only emotion being expressed in his words.  
  
"Yeah, and her number." Liam replied. Once his voice filled the air, Niall's head snapped towards him. Liam had never seen the boys head move so quickly that he burst into laughter at the sudden sight of it.  
  
"You got her number?! Liam Payne actually took the time to jot down ten digits?! Holy shit I'm living in a mother fucking parallel universe!" Niall blurted out in a jumble of words and laughter began racking Liam’s chest. Once Liam was able to get some air back into his lungs, he was yelling at Niall.  
  
"Keep your bloody eyes on the road you twat! I can't afford to die right now; I have whores just awaiting my arrival at Andy's party." Niall let out a snort now and slowly moved his eyes back out in front of him.  
  
"Sorry mate. I just can't fucking believe you got her number. I never even knew you stayed long enough to see how the girl looks, let alone had after-sex convos." Niall teased, remembering all those awkward times he and Liam had to sneak out of parties just so they wouldn't have to talk with their latest hook-up after the deed had been done.  
  
"Yeah well me neither, so shut your fucking mouth and pay attention to the signs. For once I wanna get to the bloody party that we planned on going to, not crash one because we got lost." They both let out chuckles as Niall merged onto an exit lane, driving off the highway.  
  
All of a sudden the car came to an abrupt stop as Niall peered out the window. Liam followed his gaze and saw that he was staring at a night club across the street, more specifically the girls standing out front. They weren't dressed any particular way, but there was just something off about their presence. Niall looked back at Liam with a smirk.  
  
"Wanna get a quick blow before we head off to the party? I mean these bitches are pros man." Liam looked at Niall, he was confused until something clicked in his head and he was understanding why those girls didn't seem right. He watched as one girl flagged down a car and hopped in as another hopped out.  
  
"Prostitutes Niall? We need that money to get fucked up man. You know there'll be dealers there, it's fucking Andy's house you little shit." Liam laughed out as Niall smiled at his thinking.  
  
"True. Plus there's always the never ending buffet of chicks that are just drooling for the Irish crème." Liam nodded in agreement and they were off on the road again.  
  
Fifteen minutes into the drive and Liam could feel the amount of illegal substance lingering in his veins drop to a low. He quickly reached his hand into the compartment under the seat and pulled out the precious paper bag him and Niall held near and dear to them. 

Knowing Niall would want a drag of whatever Liam chose to smoke, he just stuck his hand inside and pulled out a smaller, clear bag containing the last of the pot (you know since Niall is driving he wouldn't want to fill the boy with some strong drugs...as you can see Liam's the sensible one).

He opened the glove compartment and pulled out the pipe him and Niall first bought when they were amateurs at this. 'Good times. Good times,' he thought to himself as he unwrapped the marijuana from the plastic and packed it into the bowl at the end of the pipe. He grabbed the light from his jean's pocket and clicked the lighter on, watching as the herb burned under his flame.  
  
He waited for the smoke to rise up and easily inhaled the white cloud, his lungs feeling at home with the familiar sense. He kept the smoke deep inside him for a minute or so before exhaling. He had to say that ever since he started doing this shit, he had become a great swimmer—which was complete shit due to the fact that his lungs were slowly deteriorating—being able to hold his breath for long periods of time (not that he was a swimmer in the first place, but you know…it gave him a plausible excuse). He did this six more times before that familiar rush started to really seep into his blood stream. He saw how Niall's gaze kept shifting from the road to the pipe and he let out a giggle, sounding like a little schoolgirl gossiping about cute boys.  
  
"You wanna hit bro? You look sort of desperate over there," Liam asked, just to taunt the boy a bit further.  
  
"No. Didn't you hear? My family had an intervention for me and I've quit to become a mother fucking volunteer at the bloody pet shop,"Niall expressed, his words dripping in sarcasm and, as if it wasn't clear, he continued, "Yeah. Sarcasm you dick." Liam found himself giggling uncontrollably now as the picture of Niall being a volunteer worker at a pet shop popped into his head. 

Niall was growing more frustrated by the second and all he could do was keep his eye on the pipe as Liam rolled around in his seat. He finally pulled over onto the side of the road and snatched the pipe out of his best friend's hands. As he brought it up to his lips, placed the flame at the bottom and inhaled the white smoke, Liam was still in a haze of giggles not even remembering why he started to laugh in the first place. 

Once he had brought himself to calm down, he realized that Niall had the pipe now and was taking hit after hit after hit. Liam brought his hand to the back of Niall's hand with a 'thwack' and was taking the pipe away from the boy.

"What the fuck you ungrateful twat," Niall quickly spat out, not even sure how that comment was relevant right now. Liam let out a chuckle this time. 

"You have to drive you fucking retard. I can't have you reading the fucking signs wrong and thinking the stop lights are bitch ass Christmas lights again." Niall's eyes grew with amusement at Liam's comment and he was laughing now too.

"Talk about bitch asses, guess who’s back from that dumb ass performing arts school in Bournemouth," Niall slurred a bit, remembering that he was supposed to tell Liam this at least a week ago. Liam's giggling had come to a complete stop as Niall's words filled the air.  

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," he croaked out breathlessly, knowing exactly who Niall was talking about.  
  
"Nope, he came back a couple months ago and he’s hanging out with some blokes from college. Supposedly one of them is his new boyfriend or something. His name is like Henry or Harris or Harold...I don't know some preppy, fancy shit like that," Niall mumbled out, eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he tried to remember the name. Liam let out a stiff laugh looking at Niall's face, but he still couldn't believe it. 

Louis was back. 

He used to be the third wheel to the 'Liam and Niall party of two' after they met in Doncaster. That is until he decided to forget everything he ever had with the two of them and just up and leave to some fancy school in Bournemouth. Liam was praying that he'd never have to face him again, well at least stay a good amount of distance away from him. Especially after what happened. A tragic tale Liam would never be able to erase from his mind no matter how badly it hurt his pride. He could sense the tense air becoming apparent around him and Niall now.

“Come on man. It can't be that bad. I mean he was the one that doubled your game right? Showing you that you liked cock too." Liam really wanted to punch Niall now, but he knew that Niall didn't know what mentioning this was doing to him.

"Yeah." Liam mumbled out as that night took over his mind.

-  
  
_All of a sudden Louis was attacking Liam's lips and had his hands going up Liam's jumper—making the brown-eyed boy regret he put it on this morning with the heat now surrounding them. His mind was in a daze as his hands found Louis' hips, grinding himself against them. Louis let out a stifled moan into Liam's mouth and roughly shoved him up against the wall, breaking what ever soft touch they once had._  
  
_"I'm not going to play these fucking games with you anymore Liam , so either you fucking want me or you don't,” Louis spat out, frustration making his voice shake. Liam nodded his head vigorously as if saying 'yes I want you, I fucking want you so bad', but couldn't find the words to say it. Louis was back on his lips now, pressing both their bodies to the wall._  
  
_"I want you to beg,” he said, growling back into Liam's ear making sure his hot breath hit his neck. “I want you to fucking beg.” Liam had goose bumps covering his body and shivers running up and down his spine. He wanted to get on his knees at this point, wanted to show Louis just how much he wanted him, needed him in fact. Wanted to show him with every inch of his body._  
  
_"L-Louis...stop.” Liam moaned out as the feather-haired boy blatantly attacked his neck. He was trying to push Louis away, but the satisfaction was just too good and different. I mean sure Liam was an addict, but that didn't mean that gave him thoughts about fucking his best friend or a guy for that matter—especially after what his step-father had done to him all those years ago ._  
  
_So, why the fuck was this so different?_

_Why wasn't he trying hard enough to push Louis off?_

_"Tell me you don't want this Liam. Tell me you don't love me. Tell me you don't want my cock filling your perky, little ass up. Tell me and I swear I'll back off…all you have to do is tell me.” Louis lowly growled into Liam's ear._  
  
_Liam could tell Louis was honestly getting fed up with this whole 'I'm straight' bravado he was trying to keep up. His whimper in reply served a perfect answer for Louis to continue his tease._  
  
_"You can't can you Liam? Because you want this just as bad as I do,” Louis ended with more of a statement then a question, clearly seeing right through Liam. No answer came from Liam. He didn't know why he couldn't form the word 'yes' even though it felt as if it was at the tip of his tongue._  
  
_"Right?” Louis growled again, more force in his voice and Liam just whimpered under his touch. He pulled away this time, not wanting to deal with Liam's immature bullshit._  
  
_"L-Louis...what are you doing?” Liam stuttered out, already missing the touch Louis had on him._  
  
_He just dropped his eyes from Liam's and let out a stiff laugh. Liam could hear his heart pounding in his ears as he waited for Louis to answer, his body just yearning as he waited. Then all of a sudden, he felt Louis's lips on his again and Louis' hand grab for his crotch._  
  
_Then he froze, memories of his step-father quickly filling his mind._  
  
_Louis pulled away once he felt Liam backing up again. He was letting out a huge sigh now, thinking this was just Liam being scared of his new found sexuality...but it wasn't anything near that, Liam just couldn’t find the words to explain that to Louis._  
  
_"Tell me you love me Liam. Tell me...and I'll stay.” Louis whispered ever so quietly._  
  
_Liam wanted to give everything to Louis, whispers of small nothings, breakfast in the morning, himself and anything else Louis wanted. But he couldn't find himself to do it. The words were there and he wanted to say them, he really wanted to say them._  
  
_He just couldn't._  
  
_His body froze and he didn't know what to do. Louis realized that Liam had stopped responding to his touch yet again. That was just enough to set him over the edge and rid him of the little patience he had left._ __  
He was done.  
  
_"You know Liam, I've seen you play this whole little game. This whole little fucked up game you've set up so that you could win every time. So that you can get whatever the fuck you want without getting screwed over. I've watched you win every fucking time and it never fails. That's how I know that this is all my fault. Whatever this is…” he trailed on gesturing toward the two of them, “it’s all my fucking fault."_  
  
_He took a deep breath before continuing._  
  
_"I made myself actually believe that you would let someone else win for a change if it meant you could still have all the drugs and the alcohol and this fantasy world. Someone like me. But no, you need the whole fucking nine yards to survive this petty little life you've set up and I'm just sick and tired of lying to myself, making myself believe you can actually love me. So I'm done. Congratulations bad boy...you win again.”_  
  
_With those words, Louis walked right out of the room that didn't belong to either of them and out of the house whom the owner remained unknown. Leaving Liam to think about what just happened over and over again. Leaving him to think about what he had just lost._  
  
-  
  
His mind was really becoming his enemy lately and shit was just frustrating him.  
  
"Isn't this shit supposed to make me forget?!" He yelled out loud, not realizing until his words stood lingering in the air, creating an awkward silence in the car. Niall just looked at him out of the corner of his eye as he actually tried to keep his eyes on the road this time. Liam hadn't even realized they had been driving or that he had the pipe back in his hand. He quickly took the lighter and placed the flame at the bottom again, huffing and puffing all of the white haze he could get from it. Niall's throat gave out an awkward clearing as he started to say something. 

"We’re...err...going to Doncaster in two days. Matt's making a big deal out of this party and I'm gonna be there to get some perks off the supply. That's how I found out...so yeah...um we can't get out of it unless you wanna go into withdrawal for a couple weeks." Liam just shook his head at his stupid luck. 

He just wanted permanent amnesia. He didn't care about anything and he just wanted to live in a world where he could forget absolutely everything—it seeming as if he wanted to live in a world where he was immune to everything. But Liam knew the universe had a tendency to shit on his life and he was just about to find out that this was only the start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late post . hope you like . see you saturday .
> 
> btw , comments would be nice *smiles widely*


	3. Liam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Liam's visit to Andy's isn't all that great.

A crowded room filled with hundreds of people is once again jumping up and down around Liam. He can feel the bass literally shaking the house all around them. His head is bopping to the beat violently, and he can’t tell whether it’s because he’s really into this song or because he’s had too much booze to keep his head up straight—he goes for the latter if he’s being honest. Everything’s going great, his mind is dizzying off into a soaring phase and he can feel countless bodies unknown to him press up against his groin. 

“Hey babe, what’s your name?” He hears a raspy voice yell into his ear. It took him a few seconds more to respond then it would if he was sober. 

“Umm…’s Liam. Yeah…Liam.” He slurred out, confirming it more for himself then the person questioning him.

“You know Andy then, yeah?” Liam’s head literally snapped back when he heard the familiar name bounce on his eardrum.

“Yeah, ‘s one of my best friends.” His voice was all over the place and it seemed like none of his words contained syllables. 

“Good, come with me then.” Next thing he knew, his wrist was enclosed by a pretty huge hand—which made him hope this person was looking to do naughty things to him with those hands—and he was being dragged through the mosh pit and up to the third floor of the all too crowded house. 

“Andy has been looking for you since the party started. Wanker wouldn’t shut the fuck up unless we found you.” The person—which Liam now recognized was a dude—turned around and mumbled to him as he knocked on the door in front of him. “My name’s Aiden by the way.” Liam nodded at his announcement.

“’S Liam.” He slurred once again, closer to Aiden’s ear. The boy let out a small chuckle.

“I know and you’re totally plastered guy.” Liam let out a giggle and gave a slight nod of his head, afraid if he moved it anymore he wouldn’t be able to keep it up. 

The door in front of Aiden swung open, letting the dim lighting that illuminated it spill out into the dark hallway. Liam could now make out the silhouettes of the different bodies and faces that clung to the walls. The way eager hands traveled eager bodies and crossed different boundaries so…eagerly.

“What is it Aiden?” He heard an all too familiar voice ask and his head snapped back to the open room in front of them.

“’S Liam.” He slurred out for the third time in the matter of five minutes and he could almost feel the aura change around them—or it could’ve been his intoxication just fucking with his mind. 

“I think that’s the only thing he can say.” Aiden teased as he made his way into the room, grabbing Liam’s wrist again. “Kid is totally plastered.” 

“I am so fucking not.” Liam retorted in a jumble of words, shooting the best glare he could muster at the back of Aiden’s head. Then the whole room around them burst into a fit of giggles and the next thing he knew, there was someone hugging him.

“I’ve been looking all over for you mate.” He heard Andy’s voice mumble into his ear. That lead him to drop whatever drink he had in his hand—not even knowing when or how he had gotten it—to the floor and wrapped his arms tightly around one of his best friends. 

“Sorry. Niall gets pretty annoying, so as soon as I walked in I left him.” He explained to Andy, causing a chuckle to arise from the blond-headed boy.

“Yeah, I know. I found him a couple hours ago and he’s absolutely no help. Twat had like twenty shots of vodka in a row, took a couple hits of the spliff and knocked out on the floor.” Andy spoke with amusement in his voice as he pointed over to the Irish lad sprawled out on the floor. 

“What?!” Liam shrieked—a manly shriek I can reassure you—as panic kind of took over his body. His friend looked paler then usual and lifeless lying on the carpeted floor of the room and he would’ve ran over to the Irish lad, trust me he would’ve, but you know whatever he had to drink wasn’t really agreeing with that idea. 

“Don’t worry lad. We checked his pulse and everything, wanker ‘s still breathing. And plus it wasn’t like he passed out or anything, he just, like, fell asleep.” Liam let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and sat himself on the floor. He had to admit, Andy’s feet felt very uncomfortable under his bum. That reminded him, in some odd way, about the only other reason they came to Andy’s party besides seeing Andy.

“We need to buy a couple grams off you. We’re running out and we need to make the supply last until we make it to Dumcaster over the next something of days.” He announced very drunkenly, looking up to search for Andy’s face, but he only found the dim-lit ceiling. 

“You going to Matt’s party then?” Andy questioned.

“Yeah. Niall heard he was gonna have pretty good supply coming from his part of town and we’re going to cop lots of shit.”

“Seems like everybody ’s going to that fucking party.”

“Yeah, it’s supposed to be huge and like stuff. I mean, I don’t really wanna go, but at the rate me and Niall are going, if we don’t, then we’ll be in like withdrawal and you know I can’t do that.” 

“Honestly, I don’t think none of us can do that.” Aiden pitched in, causing a bit of chuckles to travel around the room. 

“Yeah, but it’s kind of different for me. You guys are addicted because the drug is addicting, I’m addicted because it makes everything go away for me and I can be whoever I wanna be when I’m on it and I can’t just not have that.” Liam explained as best as he could. 

“Man,” Andy started. “You are plastered dude.” Liam let out a giggle at this along with the rest of the people in the room. 

“Yeah, I guess I am.”

“Yeah, well anyways I’ll give you an ounce of spliff for two-fifty. We usually sell it for two-eighty, but I love you enough to give you a discount.” Andy spoke causing Liam to give him a knowing glance as if to say ‘ _that is totally a fucking lie, so tell me the truth wanker_ ’.

“Okay, okay. I’ve been ripping off the drunk ass people and selling the spliff for about twenty a bag and the coke heads have just been giving me anything for an ounce. So, trust me when I say it won’t do me any harm.” Liam knew there was more; he could just see it on Andy’s face, so he continued with the stare.

“Plus we checked Niall’s pockets earlier and if he wants to get some drugs that will actually make a profit; he can’t do no more then two-fifty.” That’s when Liam let out a laugh and threw himself onto the floor. 

“So you’re telling me Niall is broke?” He announced as he continued to laugh.

“No, not entirely. I calculated how much he would need if he’s gonna buy a personal supply and a selling supply when he goes to Matt’s party. I know he’s not gonna buy spliff when he goes over there because there will be way more exotics that will make him a profit. The kids got three thousand quid in his pocket right now and if he wants to buy the ones that make good money, he can only spend five-hundred here.” Andy takes a pause and doesn’t realize Liam has stopped listening a long time ago, so he continues.

“So, I give you the spliff for two-fifty, three grams of coke for one-fifty and forty for a gram of heroin. Then you’ve got the sixty left over which should by you some food and petrol for the next two days til’ you get to Matt’s, sound good?” Andy finally finished and Liam was now staring at the ceiling counting how many colored dots kept appearing in his vision. There was that blue one and then the red one and he was sure that one was yell-

“Hello? Earth to the totally inked-up drug addict lying in the middle of the room…sound good?” Andy asked again upon realizing Liam didn’t even know his right from his left at this point. 

“Man…all I’m saying is that you should’ve listened to your parents and went into business or accounting or whatever the fuck it is that you do.” Liam slurs a drunkenly explained compliment at its finest.

“What it is that I fucking do is sell drugs and make people happy.” Andy states with a slight chuckle as he moves to hover over Liam’s body to stare down at him. “Now do we have a deal or not?”

“Oh…erm…yeah. Whatever ‘s good.” Liam mumbled out trying to concentrate on the rainbow forming in front of his eyesight. 

“I could’ve said we were going to gang rape him with a pickle and bet you fifty pounds that still would’ve been his answer.” Andy joked out as the rest of the group laughed a bit while he went into his closet and got out all the things he said he was going to give Liam. 

He stacked all the wrapped up drugs one on top of the other and put it all in a plastic bag. He grabbed a sharpie marker, scrawled Liam and Niall’s names on it and placed it in the corner of the room. Once he was finished, he looked up to meet the other people’s gazes and gave them a sly smile.

“Well, let’s go party then.” As the group cheered at this suggestion, they began to make a beeline for the door and then Liam was once again left to his own devices, the heavy sound of Niall breathing playing on in the background. 

“See you around then mate.” Liam mumbled to himself, referring to Andy. “Whenever the hell that is.”

He let out a really long and deep sigh and just continued to stare at the ceiling. Then all of a sudden, lines started to appear and the color splotches became balloons. He saw Wallace and Gromit take a walk across the chalk white wall then watched the pet fish he had when he was six turn into the dog he got when he was nine. He felt his fingertips begin to prickle and then the heroin he had taken, hit him full speed ahead--no pun intended. 

His whole body went numb to the point where he could feel the tingle in his throat. He could feel his head throbbing so hard, he felt it in his tongue. Then he sat himself up as best as he could and tried to focus in on the door that Andy had walked out a few minutes ago—or was it a few hours ago…he couldn’t remember—but the only thing he saw was a face. A long face. One that seem to keep stretching and stretching and stretching. Then all of a sudden, it was gone and the door was back. Liam silently thanked the God he didn’t believe in and scrambled to his feet as best as he could, walking clumsily over to the door. 

He was so happy it was back and that he’d be able to go back into the party and surround himself with people that were probably just as fucked up and had no worries. But when he opened the door, it wasn’t the same corridor with eager people and eager hands. No, this corridor was different. The bass wasn’t rattling the floor anymore and it seemed as if no one or nothing lived in the house. It was so silent, and for once in what felt like a lifetime, Liam seemed almost at peace. 

He walked through the empty corridor until he made it to the end and found himself in front of another door—identical to Andy’s. Even though the deteriorated conscience he had left began to shout not to, his hand still reached out and grabbed for the round, silver door knob staring back at him. He gently turned the knob and walked himself ever so slowly into the room. 

As soon as his eyes made contact with the doings in front of him, he wished he had never entered that room and tried to make a fast escape. But when he turned around to make a run for it, the door was gone and he found himself trapped and forced to stand there with his five year old self and his crack whore of a mother. The memory played oh so fluidly before his eyes.

-

_“Baby…baby please, just this once.” Carol pleaded to her five year old son sitting across from her on the bed._

_“But mummy, that’s what you said last time and you promised…” a helpless Liam whimpered back, hoping that was enough to stop his mother in her tracks of her sins._

_“I know, I know, but you love mummy right?” She asked, her lips crafting into a smile that hadn’t reassured Liam like it was supposed to._

_“Yes, but-” He responded before he was cut off with Carol’s yearning words once again._

_“And you want mummy to be happy right?” She asked and if Liam were old enough, he would be able to tell that she was just using guilt to lead him into her trap._

_“Yes.” He mumbled._

_“Then let mummy touch you, okay?” She spoke, her words seeming more of a demand then a question and this time Liam didn’t answer. He just watched as she gave him yet another fake smile and traveled her hands to the top of his pajama pants, waiting to violate him once again._

_“But mummy, you promised.” Little, helpless Liam whimpered out to her as her hands made slight contact with him and his small hands instinctively reached out to stop her._

_“I know, I know, but mummy needs this. Just let mummy touch.” She whispered to him, her eyes no longer meeting his with that fake sincere-ness, but letting her intentions fully bubble to the top._

_“No! You promised mummy! You promised!” He began to cry out now, tears painting his face and sobs racking his chest._

_“Liam, I won’t tell you again.” Carol hissed out, her reassurance and kindness—or the fakeness of it—no longer apparent in her voice._

_“No mummy! No!”_

_“Liam James Pa-”_

_“I said no!” He yelled out, and before his five year-old little mind could even grasp what was happening, he felt a horrible sting slap across his face. Then all of a sudden, his flow of tears quickened, his racked sobs made even worst sounds exiting his throat and the only thing his mother was doing was covering his mouth with her hand and shoving her dirty hands down his pants._

_“You going to be a good boy now? Huh? Is that what mummy has to do now? Hit you?” Carol continued to growl as Liam’s little body squirmed uneasily beneath her and struggled for freedom from this devil God assigned as his mother._

_“Mummy no.” Were the only two words that were audible as his muffled sobs were let out into the palm of her hands._

_“Sh, sh, sh. Mummy’s almost done now and then you can go back to sleep.” And with those words, Liam knew there was nothing he could do now. His mother’s gritty hands were already exploring the small organ he had between his legs and she was obviously much stronger then a five-year old scrawny boy. He just shut his eyes, cried into the palm of her hand and let the demons clap with joy below as this treachery continued on._

_“I’m going out, so if Rich comes looking for me, tell him to fuck off.” She explained once she was all done and finished. “There’s some left over food from yesterday, I think, in the refrigerator. If I’m not back by morning, just eat that.” With those last few words, she was leaving Liam to his-self once again and headed for the door._

-

“No!” Liam cried out, as he chased the hallucination to a door he hadn’t seen before. 

“Please.” He sobbed, the wetness on his face from tears trickling down coming now to his attention. But as he made a grab for the long and brown curly hair he knew to be his mother’s, everything was gone again. His life disintegrated before his eyes as it had many times before and he found himself trapped in a room with a fucking couple and the clock on whose ever bedside table flashing the numbers **4:37a.m** on it. 

“Hey buddy, you look pretty fucked up.” The guy said between strangled breaths as he continued to ram into the girl—or guy—below him. “And I don’t know what the fuck you’re screaming about, but can you kinda, like, get your own room?”

Then there was a moan that could only belong to a girl and Liam was again stepping one foot in front of another as he made a beeline for the door he could now see. He was so fucking confused. It had only been around midnight—or so he thought—when he had met up with Andy and now, the sun was about to rise and him and Niall would have to be clearing out soon before the neighbors call the cops as they always did.

He stumbled his way back to the room he hoped was the one he started in and opened it with covered eyes. When the only thing he heard was silence—and the heavy breathing of an Irish lad he knew too well—he uncovered his eyes and let out the longest sigh possible. He walked over to his best friend and began to shake him awake as he fought himself to keep his recent thoughts out of his mind. 

“Niall.” No answer. 

“Niall.” He called again, still no answer. 

“Niall.” Nothing. 

That’s when Liam started to panic and his shaking got rougher and his voice got louder and the only thing he remembers himself doing is smacking the holy hell out of Niall until the blue-eyed boy awoke to his senses again.

“What the fuck Liam?! I was fucking sleeping you dick!”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Liam yelled, his hands flying violently in the air and then coming back down to hit Niall in the shoulders. 

“What the fuck is wrong with me?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“Shut the fuck up, you’re completely out of it.” Liam growled.

“And you’re so much better?”

“Well at least I don’t fucking pass out like certain dumb asses here!”

“I didn’t pass out! I fell asleep! I mean, hello, fucking drugs will do that to you mate!”

“Yeah, if you’re fucking dying!” Liam informs him in a sharp tone.

“Like if the shit you take isn’t killing you day by day! And what the fuck is your problem anyways?! You never complained about any of this shit before!”

“Fuck you.”

“I didn’t even do anything!”

“Just shut the fuck up!”

“No, I’m not gonna shut the fuck up—“

“Don’t you ever know when to just be quiet?!”

“Not when I’ve been with a crazy ass, fucking bi-polar kid for more then two years!”

“And you don’t think I have to put up with your shit?! Do you forget I’m older?!”

“By a fucking month you dick! And what does any of this matter to you anyways?! You’re just as fucked up as I am!”

“Do you even know what you fucking took you idiot?!”

“And if you don’t what makes you think I do?!”

“You could’ve fucking died!”

“Liam! I wasn’t going to fucking die!”

“But you could’ve fucking died.” And then the yelling was over because Liam’s voice was now barely audible over the blaring music from three stories down and all he wanted to do was curl up into the side of his best friend.

So that’s what he did.

That’s exactly what he did until he was able to smell the alcohol on Niall and the drugs and the sex and just the party as a whole and he just couldn’t figure out why any of that set him off. He didn’t understand why it would set him off when he smelled just the same but probably even worse. There were even smells no normal person would be able to recognize lingering close to his nose that he knew were drifting off from his skin. Yet, nothing’s ever made him as angry as smelling and seeing his best friend that way in that very moment.

And then the moment was broken.

“You don’t even know what you took and then you just let yourself fall asleep and then you take like fucking ten hours to wake up, like, you could’ve fucking died Niall and then where would that leave me? Huh? You ever think about that Niall? You’ll leave me here by myself with my mother and then she’ll touch me again and then I’ll have to sit and cry by myself again and I just can’t have that Niall and I just can’t fucking have that.” 

Liam rushed out all those words in such a fast jumble; he hadn’t even realized he was lying in Niall’s arms bawling until all the air was knocked out of him and his chest was racking to the beat of the song playing downstairs. Everything hurt and he couldn’t exactly understand what the fuck was going on at the moment. All his thoughts were scattered in one direction and then the next and all he could fucking do was cry. That’s all he could do. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay Liam. I’m right here. I’m not dead. We’re all good.” Niall soothed, holding the brown-eyed boy’s head to his chest and wrapping his other arm as tight around him as he could. 

“N-No it’s not fucking o-okay Niall. Nothing is e-ever fucking o-okay.” He sobbed out as best as he could, his hand fisting Niall’s shirt and holding on to his best friend for dear life.

“Yes it is Liam. Look, it’s me and you. I’m here, you’re here and no one is dead. We’re going to get out of here and we‘re going to drive to Doncaster and then we’re going to get some strong fucking drugs and then everything will be over.” Niall explained—in a still sleepy manner—to the best of his ability.

“But n-nothing is ever r-really g-gone Niall. It’s all s-still there. W-When all the drugs are g-gone and all the alcohol can’t give us that b-buzz and we’re b-back to planet f-fucking earth, it’s a-all still fucking there.”

Niall didn’t answer this time as several silent beats—with the exception of Liam’s continuous sobbing—passed both boys by. Brown eyes absolutely bawling into the shirt that belong to a blue-eyed boy and yet nothing had ever felt so peaceful to Liam. And it may make no sense and he may not understand nothing that is going on at the moment, but he’s just glad he feels peaceful in this rare moment of time. 

“I know Liam.” Niall finally answers. “I know.” 

And Liam couldn’t tell if he was still hallucinating or what, but he could’ve sworn he felt a tear drop fall onto the top of his head. Niall was crying, he was crying—more like flooding—and yet he still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that this was the most peaceful state he has ever been in. 

Then it was all over just as fast as it had come. He heard the bass of the music shaking the floor beneath him and the dim-lighting of the room was once again clouding the eye sight that had just betrayed him. He could hear people screaming and laughing and yelling and jumping and fucking. And then Liam was back. Inked-up, fucked up junkie Liam was back and ashamed of the little pussy boy he had become for those few minutes—or hours, again he wasn’t sure. He pushed himself off of Niall, picked himself up off the floor and then Niall grabbed all their things—which was nothing but a jacket and some drugs—and they left Andy’s house as fast as they could.

“So where to?” Niall asked as soon as they got in the car, hiding the drugs in a compartment under his and Liam’s seats. Liam turned to him and just gave him the smirk of all smirks.

“To get so fucked up, they’ll need to teach us how to walk and talk again.” 

And all that Liam could be thankful for was the fact that Niall was just as good at pretending as he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello guys , hoped you enjoy . I'd love to hear what you guys thinks (a.k.a comments would still be nice) .
> 
> next chapter is Zayn , so stay tuned . see ya next saturday .


	4. Zayn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Zayn doesn't know why Harry is his best friend.

The alarm goes off and Zayn almost jumps out of his skin.  Four months since he’s been waking up at this ungodly hour and yet the blaring sound still gets him on the verge of pissing himself. Just as he’s about to press the snooze button upon the top of the clock set on his bedside table, his fingers encounter something sticky on the way there. His eyes are definitely open now—well as open as they’re going to get for just waking up. He brings his hand as close to his face as possible for inspection, bringing his fingers into good view as his blurry eyes pull themselves into focus. And of course Harry would waste half a tube of toothpaste to cover the entire clock just to say he made Zayn freak out after the alarm clock did.

“Fucking guy.” Zayn groans out to himself because that’s really all he can say after dealing with Harry’s shit since they were ten. He rolls himself out of bed and makes his way over to the bathroom. He cleans off his hand—and God does he pray that it actually is toothpaste—and makes a grab for his toothbrush before his eyes set on a post-it stuck to the bathroom mirror.

_‘Left to a party with Louis after you fell asleep, couldn’t resist the toothpaste bit. Be home later, love you xx’_

And Zayn was now letting out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding when he read the words ‘toothpaste bit’. He took the post-it off the mirror with wet hands, folded it up and threw it in the bin filled with a bunch of them that he keeps under his sink. He makes a grab for his toothbrush again—looking around to make sure nothing else will ‘un-expectantly’ interrupt his usual morning routine—and continues on with the cleaning of his mouth.  

After brushing his teeth, washing his face, showering, getting dressed and styling his hair, he sits himself at the kitchen table to enjoy a gorgeous bowl of cereal. He pulls out his mobile from his pocket and sets it next to his breakfast as he scoops up another spoonful of frosted flakes and shovels it into his mouth. 

He’ll never admit it to his best friend, but when Harry isn’t here, the morning is the only time Zayn is ever grateful for his absence. If the curly-haired boy was to be there, he’d sit himself in the seat across from Zayn and go on and on and on about something irrelevant to life. But as soon as he sees Zayn pull out his phone, he starts asking questions and Zayn really doesn’t want to be bothered with answering them. 

Because the truth is: Zayn has this bad habit. A habit Harry doesn’t even know about, and if it was up to Zayn, would never find out about. Actually, if it was up to him, _no one_ would ever find out about it. About how every morning he unlocks his phone, makes his way to the dialer, dials a number, but never calls. About how he does this close to a hundred times in the matter of ten minutes and promises himself every time that he’ll actually call, but still never calls. About how sometimes he actually does call, waits for someone to pick up and then hangs up so that he could have the thought of them calling his number back from the caller ID keep him up at night while he silently prays that they don’t.

And of course they never do, but Zayn isn’t sure if that sets him even more into a depression or relieves him because of the fact that he doesn’t have to face the demons he’s convinced himself he’s beat long ago. So, he just sits there, phone in hand as he stares at the repulsive number sitting above the dialer pad, hoping that maybe one day he will actually call or they’ll call back and he can fix what he knows—but denies—is still broken.  

But until then, he’ll put on that fake, golden smile of his and prance around with unnecessary giggles spilling from his mouth. He’ll invite the lads over to watch some football games and play some FIFA until they’re bored out of their minds. He’ll make fun of how Harry has become a little teenage girl ever since he’s gotten involved with Louis and try and make the blue-eyed boy believe he really would kick his ass if something did happen to Harry. He’ll do all these things as much as he can…or until he can actually stop thinking about how guilty he feels about leaving and how he really does want them to call back.

*

_“But there’s one thing on my mind. It’s all for you. And it’s da-”_

“Oh Zayn-y! Come out, come out wherever you are.” Zayn here’s Harry call out over the music he’s playing from his laptop, but chooses to ignore the curly-haired boy’s request. He continues to type up his English paper—and if he is honest, doesn’t know what the fuck he’s filled up the past two pages with—as he hears Harry wonder around the flat. 

“So you’re just going to ignore me now? That’s how it’s going to be? After all I’ve done-”

“Oh stop being such a girl Harold.” Zayn replies before Harry could even finish what he was saying—not like Zayn didn’t already know what he was going to say. He heard the familiar tap of feet against the wooden floors as Harry’s slim legs brought him over to the room. “Close the door behind you.”

“Why do you always say that before I even walk into your room?”

“Because if I don’t, then you won’t close it and you know how that bothers the shit outta me.

“And what if I don’t wanna close the door?”

“Then don’t come into my room.”

“That is so fucking unfair!” Harry gapes dramatically. “This house is mine just as well as it is yours.”

“Yeah, but I also pay my share of rent just as well as you do and I’m sure that entitles me to my own space where I can decide that no one may come in unless they close the door behind them.” Zayn responds quickly, having a pretty good idea of what Harry was going to use as his argument.

“Well played Malik.” 

“I try.” And that’s when Harry finally makes his way in—closing the door behind him of course—and flops himself down onto the other side of Zayn’s bed.

“Whatchu writing?” Harry asked being the nosey kid he always is.

“Just an English paper for class.”

“Whatchu writing about?”

“I have no fucking clue, but I do know that I’m finished.” Zayn says emphasizing his end by making his tap of the last key a bigger gesture needed.

“You’re finished, yet you don’t know what you’ve written about?” Harry asks, a clear frown on his forehead as he stares back at the raven-haired boy in confusion. 

“Yeah. I mean when I started writing I knew, but after like the first two sentences my hands got a mind of their own and an hour and a half later I have a well-written thousand word paper.” Zayn explains in a monotonous tone.

“Sounds absolutely boring.” Harry groans out as he stuffs his face into one of Zayn’s pillow.

“Of course it is Haz, it’s school work.”

“I know, but can’t you, like, not do it so we can do something else?”

“One, no because it’s school work and I’m enrolled in school to do the work and two, what is it that Louis can’t do that you’ve come crawling back to me?” Zayn asks, his eyes still staying on the screen in front of him as he drops the essay into his professor’s inbox.

“So now I need a reason to want to be with my best friend?” 

“Ever since you started leaving me for big-bum over there, yes. Something always needs to happen with your plans or he just can’t do something in order for you to come and invite me to do something with you. So what is it this time?” Zayn speaks, finally shutting off his laptop, lying on his back and letting curls tickle his neck as a six foot one boy snuggles into his side. 

“Okay, so it just so happens that this time Louis did cancel on me, but I swear it’s not what you think it is.” Harry reassures him, letting his hand fist Zayn’s shirt as the brown-eyed boy lets his fingers tangle themselves in a mop of curls.

“Okay Haz.” Zayn giggles out. “So what is it that you want to do? I’ve finished all my work anyways.” 

“Okay, so I’m going to tell you, but you have to promise not to make fun of me.” Harry all but whines out and Zayn lets out a chuckle.

“I promise I won’t make fun of you, now on with it.”

“So… _louisliketotallyaskedmeifiwantedtogowithhimtothispartytomorrowandweneedtogoshoppinglikenow._ ” Harry explains in a rushed out jumble of words, knowing that Zayn is going to make fun of him for it no matter how many times he promises not to.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t talk the language of a teenage girl.” Zayn responds and Harry lets out a big sigh before saying it slower.

“So Louis like totally asked me if I wanted to go with him to this party tomorrow and we need to go shopping, like, now.” Harry says looking up at Zayn as he waits for a response.

“Like now, now?” 

“Yes like now, now. The party is tomorrow.”

“But can’t we like just stay home and pop in a film or something. I’m feeling extra fucking lazy today and you have so many clothes already.”

“Yeah, but Louis asked me to go with him this time, not the other way around, so special occasions call for new outfits.”

“I’m sure Louis hasn’t seen you in _all_ of your clothes Harry because not even I have, so can’t you like just throw on something he’s never seen you wear and call it a day?”

“No.” 

“And why not?”

“Because I know it isn’t new and how can I possibly wear something that I’ve worn before out to my first party with Lou.”

“Oh stop being so melodramatic Harry; this isn’t your first party with Louis.”

“Yes it is.”

“You just went to a party with him last night, you know, after you covered my alarm clock in half a tube of toothpaste, which you owe me by the way because, as I recall, I was the one who bought that tube.”

“That was different. Some friends invited us together so we went together and the other times I’m always asking him and making the plans,” harry says, totally ignoring Zayn's complaint about the toothpaste.

“I still don’t understand what the problem is here…”

“Last night was _HarryandLouis_ or _LouisandHarry_ , the other nights are _HarrywithLouis_ , but tomorrow night is going to be _LouiswithHarry_.” Harry explains in his best possible way as Zayn just stares blankly up at the ceiling before letting out an exasperated sigh.

“I don’t like what being someone’s whore has done to you Haz. Can’t you just be a proper slut again? You had much more testosterone then.” Zayn says before Harry reaches out and swats at his chest, both of them letting out small giggles. 

“Asshole.” Harry mumbles before looking up at Zayn with those wide, green eyes and saying, “Just please come with me. You know how I am, I can’t just work on my own opinion.”

“But Haz-”

“ _Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseple-”_

“Okay, okay. Be ready in ten minutes.”

“Yay! Thank you babes.” Harry exclaims with a bright grin as he kisses Zayn on the cheek and sprints towards the door.

“If you’re not ready by the time-”

“I’ll be ready!”

*

“And now that we have completed Love Actually for the third time this week, I must be off.” Harry announces as the credits roll on in the background. A distinct frown sets in Zayn’s brow as he looks up at Harry.

“What do you mean you must be off? You’ve only been back for like six hours and not to mention it’s about midnight and here is where you live.” Zayn says, wonder completely filling his voice.

“Yeah, well I’m staying at Louis’ for the night so that we can head to the party together.” Harry explains.

“I’m sure the party doesn’t start until like ten or something, so why don’t you just go over tomorrow?”

“Well because we’re having our own little party as soon as we get home.” Harry responds cheekily, smirking as he moves his eyebrows up and down.

“Oh lord, much more then I needed to know…like ever.”

“Well you asked.”

“Next time be a good friend and spare me the details, yeah?”

“Will do, but until then I am off my dearest friend and shall see you soon.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

“Love you!” Harry shouts as he makes his way over to the front door.

“Love you too.” Zayn responds and then the front door is slamming shut. 

Zayn is alone…again. 

So he does what he always does if he ever finds himself alone in the dead of night, he takes out his mobile and dials a number. But this time, he doesn’t lock his phone back up or even attempt to actually call. He just sits there, staring, hoping that this call he isn’t going to make means nothing. Praying that this isn’t the only thing that’s going to stop his father from striking his mother or his sisters like Zayn had seen him do years ago…before he ran…before he became that ten year old little boy trying to make it on his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that was Zayn . tell me what you guys think please . 
> 
> hope you enjoyed . 
> 
> until next week my loves .


	5. Zayn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everyone thinks Harry is a teenage girl slut person.

“I don’t know Haz, that’s really not my scene.” Zayn answers quickly, his voice faltering in places he really wished it hadn’t. 

“Look, see!” Harry all but shouts back, referring to the cracks in Zayn’s sentence. “I can tell when you’re lying. I know you wanna go, you know you wanna go, so let’s just get up and fucking go.”

“But all everyone is gonna do at that party is drink, sniff shit up their nose and fuck.” Zayn announces exasperatedly. That’s when Harry gives him this wide-eyed stare.

“Well fucking obviously shit head, it’s a college party thrown by the biggest dealer on campus! That’s why we’re going!”

“Yeah, but you know I’m not really into those things Haz.” Zayn retorts.

“So? You can still go. I mean it’s not like you’ve never drank…or did drugs…or fucked.” Harry explains as he reminisces through the years he’s known Zayn. 

“Yeah, but those times were different. I mean they were either with you, in a small group of people that also consisted of you or yeah…pretty much with just you.” Zayn comments as he looked up in a concentrating matter.

“How is that different? I’m still going with you to the party and we’ll both get fucked up and plastered and I’ll have a very slutty night with Louis while you go on and fuck who ever you want.” Harry explains as he lets out a satisfying sigh. “Doesn’t it all just sound so fucking gorgeous?” 

“Uh…yeah, sure.”

“So…you in then?” 

“Well when you put it like that- no.” Zayn responds, his facial features resulting into a bored look as he gets up from where he was sitting on the sofa and walks over to the kitchen. His eyes roll themselves in instinct when he hears Harry’s feet quickly stumbling after him.

“Come on Zayn, it’s just one fucking night. If you don’t ever want to go to another party again, I promise I won’t even bring it up to you. Just…let’s do this one, okay? Everything once, yeah?”

“Yeah, sure. I’m gonna spend my Saturday night at a party where all they do is drink, take drugs and fuck when I don’t trust any of those bloody people nor do I want to do any of those things in a crowded house of idiots that smell of sweat and sex.” Zayn announces with pure sarcasm clinging on to every word, annoyance clearly filling his voice. 

“Great! I’ll let Louis know you’re coming so he can set you up with one of his friends or something.” Harry speaks excitedly, obviously ignoring the sarcastic tone in Zayn’s voice.

“You really think you’re going to get me to go to a party based on a list of shit I don’t wanna do?” Zayn states more than asks as he shakes his head and lets out a small, dry laugh. 

“Well yeah, I mean you have nothing else better to do and there’s always that one other option about you actually fucking doing some of the shit on that list and there’s always the other, other option where you can do _all_ those things on that list like a normal fucking college student.” Harry explains, standing back into a sassy pose. Zayn looks at him and he looks back as silent beats continue to pass by.

“Ugh, but Harry.” Zayn whines out shoving his hand into his hair and tugging harder than usual. 

“Come on, please? I’m asking as a dear old friend here-“

“Fine. I’ll think about it, okay?” Zayn groans out just to shut Harry the hell up. 

“That I know for a fact is a yes in the complicated language of _the_ Zayn Malik, so I will thank you with a hug.” Harry exclaims as he shuffles over and quickly wraps Zayn up in a tight hug before the tanned boy could object.

“That wasn’t a yes Harry.” Zayn continues, making a defense for himself as Harry releases him of his tight hold. “I said I would _think_ about it.”

“Make sure you’re ready by seven, I’ll make Louis come and pick you up on our way over there.” Harry states with a smug smile, purposefully ignoring his friend’s comment. Zayn just shakes his head in defeat, knowing he was soon going to give in anyways.

“Okay, but I swear Harry if you’re even a minute late-“

“I won’t be late okay? And don’t try and use Louis' usual tardiness as an excuse to opt out of this party. I know your tricks Malik, I can beat you at your own game.” Harry states as he began to slowly walk backwards to the front door of the boy’s shared flat.

“Whatever.” Zayn sighs out. “Where are you going anyways? You were here for like fifteen minutes.”

“Yeah, well Louis is waiting for me downstairs so we could get back to our…you know…errands.” Harry offers as an excuse. Zayn just shakes his head not wanting to dive too deep into the details of their so-called errands.

“So you just came over to convince me to go to a stupid fucking party?” Zayn asks.

“Yup, as soon as we heard about it. I didn’t wanna forget to tell you and stuff, so I forced Lou to drive me right over.”

“You do realize you texted me like three days ago about the party right…” Zayn explains referring to Harry’s “well thought” out excuse.

“Yeah, well, when you’re in a relationship with a slut such as I…people kind of get caught up with, you know, things.” Harry exclaims as he brought both his arms to bend in front of him while he made a thrusting motion.

“No need for a visual, I got it.” Zayn quickly blurts out as the curly-haired boy across from him fills the room with laughter and heads towards the front door again. 

“Bye Zayn.” He sing-songs out with amusement.

“Later.”

*

If Harry was going to be one of those roommates that was never home, then Zayn was going to be one of those roommates that always had someone over and let them sleep in Harry’s room if needed. Most times that someone was Lou and the other times that someone included another someone who goes by the name of Nick. It was now one of those other times.

“Jesus H. Christ, how long has it been since that curly-haired bastard cleaned his room?” Nick yells out with a face of disgust as he trudges back into the sitting room to join Zayn, Lou and Lux. 

“I don’t know. He’s been staying at Louis’ lately and I rather not go in there, scared of the sick shit I might find.” Zayn answers back as he lies on the floor to allow Lux access to her usual sitting position on his chest.

“To think, I spent all these years believing I raised him better.” Nick speaks melodramatically as he wipes an invisible tear away before Lou speaks up on Zayn’s comment.

“Ah, I see.” Lou sounds with a slight nod of the head. “So we’re just the back-up plan when little old Zayn is feeling deserted and lonely then?”

“Always.” Zayn states with a growing grin before getting a kick to his side. “Ow! What the fuck Lou?”

“Hey! Watch your language around that young mind of mine will yah, I rather her not be corrupted by the well improved language of the twenty-first century.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re the one who has done all the corrupting, with all that make-up sex you and Tom have been doing since you gave birth.” Zayn chuckled out.

"And it's only been what? A year and a half?" Nick comments. "I'm sure you can't call the continuous love making sex anymore Lou." Zayn laughs. 

“Fuck you. Fuck you both.” Lou quickly retorts before crossing her arms and turning away from the boys with a “hmmph” (and just because she is a mother doesn’t mean she can’t act as immature as she would like at times).

“And yet you get to swear around her?”

“She is _my_ child. If anyone’s going to ruin that little mind of hers, it will be me.”

“Okay, okay. Enough with the bickering you two. Do I always have to remind you that you aren’t bloody married?” Nick juts in before Zayn can make a come back.

“If anyone were to get married here, it would be you two…trust me.” Zayn speaks matter of factly, referring to the impossibly strong hold Nick and Lou have always had on each other.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyways, what are you doing this Saturday love?” Lou asks before any of the three could get on with a new conversation subject.

“Oh no, no, no. I know that tone of voice missy. Nice try, but I can’t watch Lux this weekend, so tell Tom his zipper’s just going to have to stay up until next weekend.” Zayn quickly responds.

“Oh, why not?” Lou whines out as her face molds into a frown.

“Because, no.” 

“Please, please, please, please, please, please, please.” Lou begs as she grabs Lux off of Zayn, hands her to Nick and climbs onto the raven-haired boy she wishes to convince. “I’ll do anything.”

“Anything?” Zayn asks with a small smirk.

“Anything.” Lou reassures.

“Make out with Grimmy for five minutes then.” Zayn says all too quickly as if he had been waiting for a day to use this demand as blackmail. Both Lou and Nick let out boisterous laughter before they saw that Zayn wasn’t laughing.

“You can’t be serious?” Lou asks.

“Oh, but indeed I am.”

“I have a boyfriend whom for I am asking you to stay with Lux, so we can have mind-blowing sex this weekend and you’re asking me to make out with another guy?” Lou quickly states as her defense.

“And Nick is gay. So it won’t mean nothing to the either of you and no one will ever have to know.” Zayn responds with a smug smile as he watched Lou’s face scrunch up in distaste.

“And it’s just for five minutes?” She asks contemplatively.

“Do I not get a say in this? I mean I do remember my name being mentioned in the quota.” Nick huffs out.

“Just five minutes. I’ll time it and everything.” Zayn continues on, purposefully ignoring Nick.

“And you’ll stay with Lux Saturday and Sunday?”

“I’ll even throw in Friday if you want.”

“Lou, do not give in to this boy’s monstrosity of an idea.” Nick sounds again.

“The whole weekend? You serious?” Lou asks in surprise, her face lighting up at the idea.

“The whole damn weekend. I’ll even pick her up early in the morning and drop her off late on Sunday so you and Tom can do whatever nastiness you like for three whole days.”

 _“Three whole days?”_ Lou repeats, her mouth looking as if it was about to drool.

“Three whole days.” Zayn promises.

“Oh Grimmy, Grimmy, Grimmy.” Lou sounds as she made her way back over to the sofa. 

“Lou, don’t do this! Please!” Nick now begs.

“Aw come on babes, it’s only five minutes.” Lou reassures as she continues making her way over to Grimmy resulting in the brown-haired boy lifting Lux up in front of him as a defense.

“For Christ's sake! I’ll watch the bloody child for as long as Zayn said! Just spare my heterosexual virginity, please!” Nick yells out before Lou could get any closer.

“Good, because I’ve just remembered I have a party I’ll be going to this Saturday.” Zayn announces with the small clap of his hands as he stood himself up and sat next to Nick on the sofa.

“Just remembered have you?” Nick asks as he turns to face Zayn and narrowed his eyes on the brown-eyed boy.

“Yeah, short-term memory loss is a bitch isn’t it.” Zayn explains with a smug smile.

“Yeah.” Nick growls out. “It is.”

“Well at least everyone’s happy now. Lou has a baby-sitter, Lux gets to spend the whole weekend with her dearest uncle, Nick doesn’t have to go through the horrible experience of kissing Lou and I get to go to my party.” 

“Hey!” Lou shouts as she takes a swing at Zayn’s arm.

“What? I’m gay too and I can totally understand why Nick wouldn’t want to kiss…you.” Zayn explains, making a playful face of disgust while he looks Lou up and down amusingly. Both boys let out chuckles as Lou sticks her tongue out at both of them (yeah, definitely allowed to act as immature as she wants).

After the laughter dies down and Lou’s couple minutes spent on changing Lux’s nappie passes, Nick speaks up saying, “So what’s this party you mentioned?”

“Just something it took me ages to convince Zayn to go to.” A voice speaks up before Zayn could even answer himself.

“The curly-haired one lives!” Nick calls out as he gets up and grabw Harry into a bone-crushing hug before the boy could even close the front door behind him.

“I thought you were staying at Louis’? And it did not, it took you like fifteen minutes.” Zayn responds.

“Longer then it should considering I practically helped raise you while we were in foster care and I thought so too, but he has class tomorrow and didn’t want me to distract him from getting up in the morning.” Harry explains as both him and Nick make their way to the sofa.

“Talking about raising up young, hopeful foster children…” Nick trails on before smacking Harry in the back of the head. “Have my teachings of hygiene and to never be a whore escaped your head in the past month? Because I’m sure with that huge mop of hair you have to protect that tiny brain of yours, they’re still somewhere in there.” 

“How do you know I’ve been a whore?”

“Well a little birdie told me he hadn’t seen his roommate in three days due to the sexcapades you continue to involve yourself in.”

“So?”

“Are you married to this boy?”

“Fuck no.”

“Are you in a concrete relationship with this boy?”

“Uh…not really.”

“Do you two exchange any other words then ‘good morning’, ‘good night’, ‘let’s fuck’ and sex sounds?” 

“Well, I mean technically we-“

“Do you or do you not Harry Edward Styles?”

“No, not really.”

“Then you are being the true definition of someone’s whore and that deserves another slap.” Nick announces as he brings his hand to the back of Harry’s head again. 

“Well, I do learn from the best.” Harry retorts with a smug smile as he rubs his head in pain before he feels a pinch to his side this time. “Ow! Son of a bitch.” 

“Do not talk to my Grimmy like that.” Lou announces this time, childish as ever. 

“He is not _your_ Grimmy.” Harry reminds as he snatches Lux away from Lou, peppers her in kisses and begins to bounce her up and down on his knee. 

“Anyways, now that I have given you a good beating, what is this party we keep hearing about?” Nick brings up once again. 

“Some kid from our college is throwing some huge house party in his parent’s house while they’re away and he’s invited, like, everyone.” Zayn explains.

“And why has he invited everyone? Is he not aware of the mess you children are capable of making?” Nick asks.

“So that they’ll be enough drunk, doped-up and sexed-out people to buy his supply of drugs because, you know, us college students have to pay off these student loans of ours some how.” Zayn continues explaining in a monotonous voice, seeming bored and tired of the whole idea.

“Well next time can you warn me before you talk of such sins so I know when to cover my daughter’s ears.” Lou huffs out.

“Like if she hasn’t heard worse in the wonderful house of the Atkins.” Harry responds gaining another pinch to his side.

“I don’t like what being a whore’s done to you, your cheekiness level was already sky high before this whole profession you’ve taken up got to you.” Lou retorts, gaining laughs from both Nick and Zayn and a narrow-eyed stare from Harry. 

“Aw, lighten up Haz.” Nick comments as he makes a grab for one of Harry’s cheek and pinches them.

“You can’t hate someone for speaking the truth.” Zayn states, his smug smile back as he pokes Harry’s side. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. So are we going to pop in a film or what?” Harry asks.

“Why we’re always here. So what film is it gonna be tonig-“

“Love Actually it is then.” Harry announces before anyone could say a second word and the rest of them let out groans in unison.

“Oh, come on Harold. We watch that one almost every fucking time.” Zayn sighs out.

“Well just for calling me that, we’re going to watch it for the thousandth time.”

“More like the millionth time.” Zayn says.

“Oh shut up and watch the movie.”

“I swear you were a teenage girl in one of your past lives.” Zayn teases.

"Agreed." Nick pipes up.

"Totally." Lou finishes.

"Fuck you all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hoped you like and tell me what you think . 
> 
> Zayn's last chapter is next week for this part of the fic , so stay tuned . 
> 
> until next saturday babes .


	6. Zayn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Zayn kinda needs the party now.

One last look in the mirror and Zayn’s phone is ringing. He knows it’s Harry calling because he was supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago. But Zayn is already ready for the fucking party and he doesn’t really feel like giving Harry hell.

“Just give the buzzard a ring when you get here so I can go down.” Is the first and only thing Zayn says when picking up the phone.

“Knew you’d see it my way.” And he here’s the grin in Harry’s voice right before he here’s the sound that tells him Harry has hung up. 

Twenty minutes later and Zayn hears the buzzard go off three short times before he’s sprinting out the door and pressing the elevator button. Impatience runs through his body before he decides it best to just take the stairs, he hasn’t worked out lately anyways. Once he reaches the lobby, waves to the woman at reception and makes his way through the glass doors of the front of the building, he’s climbing into the back of Louis’ car next to Josh.

“You’re sweating like you’ve just ran a marathon.” Is the first thing Josh says and Zayn’d be damned if he ever told Harry how fast he got downstairs to get to a party he didn’t even wanna go to in the first place.

“The lift is broken and those fucking stairs just killed me.” He uses as an excuse before he gives Louis a nodding gesture as a hello. 

“Please tell me you’re wearing those H&M jeans I bought you a few days ago.” Harry says, replacing the hello a normal person would begin with. 

“You mean the ones that you bought in your size and then slipped into my bag?” Zayn asks monotonously.

“Those are the ones.” Zayn lets out a heavy sigh to that response.

“No dear Harold, I am not wearing those jeans.” 

“And why not?” Harry whines out. “You’re supposed to be looking super yummy tonight.” 

“Frankly I am not super human like you and cannot fit into jeans three sizes smaller than my usual ones.”

“And how else do you expect to show your bum off?”

“Louis, do you think you can reverse this teenage girl metamorphosis you’ve put this guy through? I think you’ve sucked all his testosterone out through his dick.” Josh lets out a snort, Louis a chuckle and Harry a whimper.

“You’re such a fucking dick.” Harry whines--and Zayn tries to remember when his insults dropped back down to the amateur level. 

“Yeah, well at least I still have one.” Zayn says back, boredom filling his voice.

“Maybe that’s how he fits into his jeans.” Josh joins in, gaining a laugh from both Louis and Zayn. 

“I think I might have to start hanging out with you more.” Zayn teases. 

“Hey, don’t go trying to go and take my best friend now.” Louis says, a childish glint in his eyes.

“Well it’s only fair since you’ve gone and stolen mine.” Zayn counters. 

“It’s not my fault you know, the way he deep throats is just too hard to let go.” Louis explains. 

“It’s all those fucking bananas he eats.” 

“Oh god.” Josh gags. 

“Am I hearing things or do we have a straight one here with us today?” Zayn asks in a teasing manner. 

“Ha, Josh wishes.” Louis scoffs. 

“Ah.” Zayn sounds. “So you think you went the wrong way on your way home?” Josh lets out a little laugh at Zayn's metaphor.

“I guess you can say that.” Josh responds. 

“Yeah, but it isn’t really that he doesn’t accept that he’s gay. He just receives the head and gives the dick, never the other way around.” Louis explains. 

“Yeah.” Harry agrees. “He’s like the gayest straight guy you’ll ever meet.”

“Dick disgusts you I see.” Zayn comments. “Don’t worry, you’ll get over it.”

“No, I don’t think I will.” Josh states.

“That’s what you say now, but there’ll be that one kid that comes around. Trust me.” 

“Yeah, listen to Zayn. He’s that one that falls in love way too fast and ends up heart broken. So he knows a lot about that stuff.” Harry says with a cheeky smile on his face and seriously? Has he forgotten how old he actually is, like, really, he doesn't need to announce Zayn's relationship life.

“Yeah, but at least I was man enough to speak up and call it a relationship.” And Zayn really hates it when Harry makes him act childish too. He brings that side out of the raven-haired boy like he doesn’t want to be the only one acting that way. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Harry asks all innocently, but Zayn can see the hurt dancing in his eyes. 

“Nothing Harry.” Zayn sighs. “Absolutely nothing.”

If Harry’s trying to avoid an argument by acting like a hurt, little kid, then Zayn isn’t going to entertain him. He just sits back in his seat and presses his forehead to the window pane. He doesn’t even want to go to this fucking party anyways. They slow down at a stop light and Zayn counts the seconds it takes to turn green so his nerves will calm down. 

.

He tries to convince himself that tonight everything will be okay and he’ll have fun. He’ll pop a pill, maybe drop some acid and chug a couple of beers. He’ll walk around and dance and maybe, if he’s lucky--or even decides to try his luck--he’ll have the feeling of a meaningless fuck keeping him sore tomorrow. 

But his helpless thoughts only make his stomach sick. Because while he’ll be out trying to have the time of his life, he knows his mom is home probably crying herself to sleep like he remembers. And his sisters are huddled together in bed, the eldest hovering over them just in case their dad wakes in the middle of the night. 

“You okay bro?” He hears Josh ask quietly, pulling him out of his head. “Is your phone glitching or something?”

“What?” Zayn blurts confused. 

“Your phone. You’ve been staring at that number for the past twenty minutes.” Josh explains and Zayn’s gaze drops down to see his shaking hands gripping his iPhone that displayed the dialer and that all too familiar number. “I can let you use mine if you want.”

“No, no that’s okay.” Zayn speaks up quickly as he sees Josh going for his phone in his back pocket. “It wasn’t important anyways.”

Zayn pockets his phone and ignores the lump digging into the center of his throat as he tries to swallow it down. He sticks his hands into his jacket pocket, praying that they’ll stop shaking if he keeps them there long enough. As he goes to rest his forehead back against the window, the car comes to an abrupt stop and he bangs his head instead. 

“Yay.” Harry squeals--and if Zayn rolls his eyes, only Josh giggles. “We’re here.”

“Whoopdie-doo.” Zayn sighs, sarcasm dripping from his words. 

“Hey.” Josh whispers before Zayn can get out the car. “Just try and enjoy yourself, yeah? You have the rest of your life to think about what’s bothering you.” And with a small smile, Josh turns and gets out the car. 

*

Zayn’s got a cup in his hand and locust in his brain. It’s been about twenty minutes since he dropped the acid Josh gave to him. And a half hour since Harry spiked whatever poison was already in his cup. There’s a girl in front of him that keeps trying to grind her ass on him. He’s been trying to get her off, but every time he pushes her away she just giggles and pushes back. He’s finally given up, so he closes his eyes--the lines on the wallpaper wouldn’t stop moving--and sways to the music. 

“Hi beautiful.” He hears a raspy voice say into his ear. That snaps his eyes open and he forces himself to turn around no matter how dizzy it makes him. His gaze is met with light brown eyes that won’t stay straight and a sly smirk that makes his stomach jump. 

“Hey.” He slurs out as he lets the thumping bass finally take over his body and allows his movements to involve this boy with the pretty eyes. 

They don’t talk for a while after that. They just stay in the middle of the sweaty crowd, sweaty bodies of their own grinding up against each other. The boy with pretty eyes pops something into his mouth before leaning in and tonguing it into Zayn’s. And for a couple minutes they play a bit of tongue hockey with what feels to be a round, brittle pill as the puck. Zayn wins the first round and then the second and when he’s about to win the third, the boy pulls him from the crowd and pushes him against the wall. His gestures become needy and then his hands are everywhere and Zayn hasn’t felt this good in a while. 

He dips his tongue a bit deeper and a bit rougher into the boy’s mouth, feeling two more pills hidden by bright eye’s back teeth. And Zayn just wants to be whisked away into no man’s land. And he’s thinking maybe these two extra pills will help him stay there. But the boy is pulling away too fast when he feels Zayn’s tongue go for another and the raven-haired boy lets out a whine before he can stop himself.

“C’mon love.” The boy whispers hotly into Zayn’s ear. “I’m sure we can find some place more comfortable than the wall.”

And, yes, this is an even better idea. Because now Zayn can just have all the bad thoughts rammed out of him. Have them spill out to the beat of a headboard banging against the wall. And maybe the empty space the loss of his thoughts leave will dent his brain in deep as the dent in the wall after they finish fucking. So that way, they can never make their way back in. And then Zayn is opening his eyes to an empty loft room and it gets him dizzy when he thinks about how fast they got here. And then they’re on the sofa and he didn’t even realize one sitting in the middle of the room.

Then Zayn’s hands become needy and he’s grabbing onto the boy like he is the only thing that can save him. And if Zayn really thinks about it, he probably is. But there’s no time for thinking now because Zayn has a tongue back in his mouth and a hand up his shirt and his zipper being pulled down. A couple minutes later he’s got two fingers scissoring his hole open. Not more than ten minutes later, he’s seeing stars behind his eyes as his prostate is continuously being rammed into. Fifteen more minutes introduces three more positions and in that very moment of Zayn’s climax, his mind goes blank and there is nothing on it.

He does not remember how his tanned skin highlights the white of all the scars on his back. He doesn’t know the name of his mother, sisters or even his dreaded father. He doesn’t have any memory of running away when he was ten and hardly surviving until he got taken in by an orphanage. The only thing he does remember is God’s name as he screams it out to the sound of pretty eyes grunting. And Zayn believes, in that moment, he’s tasted a lick of something that makes him nothing, and maybe it isn’t so bad--and maybe afterwards he thinks that's what death must be like (and maybe he likes it just a bit).

**

“Get the fuck up, we gotta go.” Zayn hears an Irish accent yell above the music and he opens his eyes a bit to see pretty eyes being thrashed around. 

“What?”  The boy rasps out and Zayn’s proud to know it’s because of him. 

“We have to fucking go. Louis found me a couple minutes ago and he’s been trying to catch up to me.” Zayn notices the boy has pretty blonde hair. 

“What?!” And pretty eyes is stumbling to his feet and grabbing for his clothes on the floor. While he’s getting ready Zayn decides to stretch a bit--thinks better of it though when his head throbs from just the movement of his arms--and it catches lucky charm’s attention. 

“Woah.” He hears the blonde boy sound quietly. “He’s the one you were talking about earlier?” Pretty eyes nods. “Holy shit bro. He’s fucking hot.” Zayn let’s out a small laugh. 

“Thanks.” He says as he slowly rises to sit upwards. 

“No, like dude, you can seriously be a fucking model. Are those cheekbones real? Lord Jesus, the shit are you doing fucking this trailer trash.” Pretty eyes punches lucky charms in his side. 

“He isn’t so bad himself.” Zayn claims as he takes the boy’s body in fully and all his ink and muscle. 

“You just got called hot by a God with a Bradford accent. You can die happy now.” Lucky charms exclaims and pretty eyes shakes his head, a small smile on his lips though. All of a sudden Zayn hears a familiar laugh and both boys freeze at the sound. “Well Liam, it’s time to say goodbye to your little friend because we gotta get the fuck out of here.”

Zayn watches as bright eyes--well, Liam now--hurriedly grabs a the rest of his clothes off the floor and heads for the door. At the last minute, Zayn notices his shirt in Liam’s pile and goes to ask for it back. But then the door is being opened and light is being let in and Zayn’s head is about to explode so he lets out a loud groan. 

“Shit, I’m sorry.” Lucky charms apologizes before digging into his pocket and shoving something into Liam’s hands. “You could’ve at least given your god-boy over there some fucking pain killers. Forgive me for this inconsiderate bastard.” With that, Liam’s quickly running back over to Zayn shoving the same something into his hand and promising him pain relief. He then leans in and kisses Zayn one last time.

“See you around maybe.” Liam whispers. 

“Yeah.” Zayn sounds just as quietly. “Maybe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys , hope you liked this chapter . 
> 
> ziam is always a big yay . 
> 
> tell me what you think , thanks . 
> 
> next week is louis , so stay tune .
> 
> until next saturday my loves .


	7. Louis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Louis is afraid life is catching up.

The sun is peeking out from behind the curtain, its glare dancing its way across Louis’ closed lids. His nose scrunches up in distaste towards the brightness and all he really wants to do is sleep. So he reaches over to hide behind Harry’s lanky body, but what he finds isn’t lanky at all. It’s curvy and busty and holy shit! Louis forgot. 

He shoots up on instinct after he’s just processed the situation. His eyes travel the body of the girl beside him and he sighs in relief at the sight of her still closed eyes. He slips out from under the covers as careful as possible, praying to God he doesn’t wake her; he swears he’ll be good if someone listens. 

As soon as his feet hit the ground, he scrambles to find every piece of his clothing. Maybe they got so high last night she won’t even remember he was there when she wakes up. He prays again and promises to the higher above that it’s best if she didn’t. But just as he’s pulling up his jeans, he hears a bit of rustling coming from next to him and he sucks his teeth as he drops his head in failure.

“Hey,” he hears a raspy voice sound. 

“Hi,” he grunts quickly. 

“How’d you sleep,” she asks and Louis restrains himself from rolling his eyes at her attempt to start a conversation. 

“Just fine,” he says. 

“That’s good,” she says genuinely and Louis almost feels sorry for what he’s doing. “So where are you going?” And now he doesn’t.

“You know where I’m going,” he exclaims in annoyance because they go through this conversation every fucking time. 

“I know, but..” 

“But what?”

“Why can’t you just stay?” Louis sighs again and he thinks maybe he’s broken a world record now. 

“Because I’ve got Harry waiting for me to bend him over the table and fuck the hangover out of him at home,” Louis says bluntly. And he can see the sadness in her eyes, but honestly this act is getting old. “Don’t give me that fucking look.”

“What look,” she asks and Louis should tell her never to become an actress because she can’t even make herself seem innocent. 

“That look you’re giving me so I can feel bad for you and stay,” Louis says relentlessly. “If I were to stay it would be out of pity and it’s honestly pathetic at this point that you’re still trying.” 

There’s silence after that and Louis knows she knows he’s right and there really isn’t much she can say now. He’s finally able to get his jeans up and zipped. He bends over to pick up his shirt, pulling it over his head and onto his bare torso. Then his socks and then his shoes and now he’s making his way towards her bedroom door. 

“Louis,” she says and with a crack in her voice Louis can tell she’s about to cry. 

“What,” he asks and he doesn’t even turn around to look at her. 

“Please,” and this time it’s a small little cry that exits her mouth, but Louis doesn’t fall for it. Never did. And he’s not gonna start now. 

“No Eleanor.” And without another word he’s opening and slamming her bedroom door before walking to the front one and doing the same.

**

“Would you stop banging on the fucking dashboard, there’s enough scrapes on it already,” Louis scolds Josh. “Plus that shit is super annoying.”

“You won’t be saying that when I’m famous and paying for your lazy ass,” Josh retorts. 

“Yes because it’s not like I’m the only one in this car with a job.”

“Yeah, but I’m going to be famous so that trumps that.” 

“You said that last week when you wanted to be a surgeon Josh,” Louis teases, rolling his eyes. 

“Yeah, well, the surgeon thing didn’t really work out,” Josh mumbles. 

“And why is that?”

“As soon as I saw the blood, I almost puked.”

“What do you mean as soon as you saw the blood,” Louis asks with a confused face as he looks at Josh for a quick second before placing his gaze back on the road. 

“Matt let me practice on him at the party,” Josh explains and Louis’ eyes widen in shock. 

“He let you fucking cut him?”

“Yeah, but I don’t think he felt anything. He popped like three PCPs.”

“Remind me never to get high with you ever again,” Louis exclaims. 

“Hey, I cleaned him up okay.”

“With what, a bottle of vodka,” Louis teases and Josh is silent. “With a fucking bottle of vodka?”

“They say it’s best to use to clean out a deep cut if you have no surgical products. He’s fine.”

“Did he go get it checked at least?”

“Well, he was supposed to go to the hospital, but I’m sure he forgot or something. You know how Matt is.”

“You’re right. And you two together are just plain idiots.”

“Hey, that’ll be a cool name for a band or something,” Josh exclaims. 

“What? Plain idiots?”

“Yeah, like the Plain White T’s.”

“I guess Josh,” Louis sighs and Josh continues on with his drumming. Next week he’ll probably buy pants that look like they’re good for space, pop a couple of pills and say he’s an astronaut. Louis smiles to himself and says nothing about the banging this time.

“Before I forget, do you know some kid named Liam,” Josh asks and Louis’ hands immediately tighten on the wheel. 

“Liam?” 

“Yeah, sort of has a West Midlands ring to his voice,” Josh says trying to be more specific. 

“Like he’s from Wolverhampton,” Louis clarifies praying to God once again that this is not who he thinks it is--who he knows it is. 

“Zayn thinks so,” Josh explains. 

“Zayn?”

“Yeah, said he met some kid at Matt’s and he thinks his name is Liam, but that night was a bit blurry.”

“Is he sure it’s Liam?”

“He said it was either that or Lemur,” Josh snorts as he tries to hold back a laugh.

“Oh, well yeah, I know a guy, but why is Zayn asking?”

“Well Zayn said after they fucked, some other kid came in and said they had to go because apparently you were looking for them,” Josh explains. “Harry thinks your a drug dealer now.” 

“Harry thought I was a fucking pixie fairy last week, so I wouldn’t worry much about him.” Josh let’s out another snort. There’s a beat of silence after that before Louis’ curiosity gets the better of him. “So, Zayn fucked him huh?”

“Yeah,” Josh sighs out. And Josh doesn’t know, but Louis lets out an internal sigh himself, only it’s much heavier. 

“A little jealous I see,” Louis teases. 

"I guess, but I mean it’s not like there’s anything going on.”

“Well there won’t be if you don’t fucking speak up lad.”

“We don’t know each other like that.”

“Really, that’s all you got?”

“It’s too soon.”

“Excuses, excuses,” Louis says rolling his eyes dramatically. “Too soon? Zayn told you about how he fucked a random kid at some party.”

“Sure, but still. He’ll probably try and have an actual conversation and I can’t do that.”

“Then you’ll just have to be a hopeless romantic by yourself.”

“Oh sod off,” Josh laughs before a confused look dances across his features. “Why were those two boys looking for you anyways? I never heard of this ‘Liam’ lad.” 

Louis’ sigh is audible now and even heavier than before. 

“It’s a long story Josh, a _really_ long story.”

**

It’s five in the morning and Louis’ fingers are where they should be, knuckle deep in Harry’s hole as moans are torn from his throat (Louis also likes when they’re tangled in a sea of curls, but right now, he likes this better).

Louis’ body is cloaked in sweat, as well as Harry’s, and he hasn’t had this much power over his boy in a while. He’s curving his digits just right so that they meet Harry’s prostate with every thrust. His name fills the air and it’s such a sweet symphony if he does say so himself. 

Needless to say, Louis feels good. 

Just when Harry’s about to reach his peak, Louis pulls out nice and slow, lube and sex dripping out at the same pace. Harry throws his head back and Louis can see his back rising into an arch, just as the sun is doing outside the window. Harry whimpers and Louis almost cums right there and then. 

“Sh, sh, sh baby, I’m still here,” Louis reassures him. 

“Please Louis,” Harry whimpers out. “Please.”

“What is it baby,” Louis asks, knowing what a stupid question it is.

“Want it. Want it so bad.” And Harry is so incoherent, Louis might be in love with this moment. 

“Is it me you want my love,” Louis asks and Harry cries out. Louis smirks in return, lining up his cock at Harry’s hole and only pushing the tip in. 

“Please, please, please,” Harry whimpers out some more before Louis is ramming inside and shutting him up. That is, until he begins to scream out in pleasure.  

Twenty minutes later finds the sheet strewn between their messy bodies and their limbs are more tangled than Harry’s sex hair and Louis thinks maybe he is in love. So, he waits until Harry falls asleep to get up, get dressed and get lost. 

And a few hours later he finds his fingers knuckle deep in a girl named Eleanor. And though she whimpers and cries out with an arch in her back, it isn’t the same. But Louis pretends that it is. Just like he pretends pleasuring her is the only thing he wants to do when she asks why he makes her cum that way. Just like he pretends he isn’t twenty-two years old, fresh out of university and still partying like he’s eighteen. Just like he pretends he isn’t going to ever grow up. And just like he pretends he isn’t in love with a boy named Harry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so louis is a bit harsh , lol . 
> 
> well tell me what you guys think . 
> 
> until next week my loves .


End file.
